Why was he here
by mariedex
Summary: Jack contemplates his relationships


Title: Why was he here?  
Author: Mariedex   
  
Spoilers: The night after FO   
  
Disclaimer: The characters in the story are the sole property of Hank Steinberg, Jerry Bruckheimer, and CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.   
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: Jack contemplates his relationships.  
  
The hums of the machine reminded him that she was still alive and offered a bit of calm to the thoughts that were running around in his head. It was after visiting hours, but Jack had convinced the nurse to let him sit with her for a while. The nurse had told him that she was stable, but was still very weak. She had lost a lot of blood and it was hard on her heart. They wanted to keep her here awhile for observation. The bullet had nicked a major artery and that was never very good. Her surgery had lasted 2 hours and they said she should be up and walking in no time. So why was he here?  
  
It was night and all of the lights were out except a small one that highlighted her face. She looked so pale and weak. So lifeless. She was so different than Marie this morning. She was always different from Marie. He had gone home this morning and watched her like he was watching Sam now. The thoughts kept running through his head would he have done the same for Marie that he had done for Sam.   
  
Would he have rescued her?   
  
She was the mother of his children and his wife, how could those thoughts even enter his mind. Did he even still love her? Barry went crazy with guilt after his wife died, crazy enough to shoot Sam and hold hostages, would he have done that? Marie lay there peacefully and all Jack could think about was the feel of a gun to his head. It was a promise that he had made to Barry to have a second chance at his marriage, at his life. But did he even want that and could he even have that anymore? Would Marie wake up and take him back?  
  
She had been surprisingly okay with waking up to him starring at her. She ahd heard about the hostage situation on the news but didn't know if he was involved in it. She had left a couple messages on his cell, but never received a call back. She convinced herself that he was ignoring her again or he was with her. But here he sat staring at her.   
  
They didn't fight that morning, there was no yelling. They simply talked. They actually talked better than they had in awhile. Talked about their relationship, their friendship, their children, their marriage. He still didn't tell her everything, he didn't tell her about Samantha. He didn't tell her that he rescued her. There were still things that he wouldn't admit to himself about last night. He had to really try to make his marriage work. He didn't want to fail at that. He just wanted to feel something again. It hurt him that it wasn't his wife who could make him feel again. She didn't need to know that.   
  
He had taken the day off and spent time with his daughters and his wife. It had been good day, at least that's what he told himself. That night though he told his wife that he was going back to his apartment. He still needed some time to digest the events of yesterday. She understood for the first time. She was okay with him spending time away from her as long as there was time that they had spend together.   
  
But he didn't go back to his apartment, instead he went to the hospital and sat and watched Samantha. He held her hand and listened to the beeping that was her heart. He remember one night when had listened to her heart as she slept, something about it endeared him. He didn't sleep the entire night, he laid there memorizing her heart, memorizing her skin, memorizing how her lips moved slightly when she dreamed. He loved how she would smile in her sleep and she would always instinctively move closer to him. They had always slept like that, like they were holding on to each other for dear life.  
  
What was it about her that drew him in? When she first came to the office, she had just gotten out of Quantico. He picked her because of her background in the police force. After college, she went straight to the Police Academy and according to her record she was definitely a rising star - making detective after only two years. She was the youngest female detective in the city. For some reason she gave that up to join the FBI and that intrigued him. It also intrigued him that she wanted to work in his office - with missing persons. It wasn't exactly the glamourous department. When he asked her why missing persons, she replied that she loves solving crimes, especially under time constraints such as a missing person's life. But deep down she replied, she wanted to join because nobody should ever be missing. So he offered her the position, even though she was young. Immediately, Danny and her clicked. She worked okay with Vivian, but their relationship still Jack wishes was better. There definitely was a generational thing going on. Sam's relationship with Jack from the beginning was close. At first he had her shadow and she treated him as a mentor, but slowly they began to develop into a team. He always knew when to stop her during interrogations and vice versa. From the beginning he had depended on her.  
  
There was something that she gave to him. At first he thought that he saw a bit of himself in her. She took cases on so emotionally. But soon he realized it was simply her that he enjoyed. The way she would smile at him to reassure him that she was okay. The way she knew him so well. There were times when he swore that she knew him better than Marie. Now he could admit that probably he always had been in love with her. Those feelings didn't just start that one night and they probably would not end tonight. But it was never fair what he was doing to her and he knew it. She shouldn't be caught in the middle of Marie and him. He couldn't keep using her.  
  
That's how he always thought about the relationship, that he was using her. But was that ever the case. Was he using her to get out of his relationship with his wife. Was he using her to get his emotions back or was he simply using her for her. Was he simply wanting to be with her, like every man wants to be with a woman whom he cares about. But it wasn't fair. Because no matter how much he wanted to be with her, they couldn't. It would affect more than just his marriage, it affecting their jobs and their lives.  
  
He had hurt her, he knew that. More than she would ever admit to him. And now he hurt her more. Sending her in, allowing her to get taken hostage, to get shot, for pulling her out. He didn't want to hear the ramifications for that one. VanDoren would rem him again for breaking protocol for allowing his emotional attachment to her get in the way. No matter how much he could logically say that emotions had nothing to do with it, they did. He was not going to just sit there while she was bleeding to death. He was not about to let her die now, alone. He was not about to let her go from his life. So he would take the remming for that.   
  
It's over, he reminded himself again. Than why was he sitting here. Why was he holding her hand? Why were there tears in his eyes? He had never imagined he could actually love her this much, need her this much and yet be able to simply give her up. It was never that simple.  
  
He sat there until the sun came up. He then got up and kissed her forehead. She smiled at his touch. He then kissed that smile. See you tonight. He whispered and left for work.  
  
  
Hours later, Samantha Spade woke up in pain. Her leg ached and her head was fuzzy. The nurse came in and smiled.   
  
Here eat something. She slid the tray over to Sam's bed and moved the bed up. She then moved the chair back in place.  
  
Was somebody here? Sam asked noting the small furniture change that had occurred in the night.  
  
Yeah, your boyfriend was here all night. Nice man.  
  
Sam asked slightly confused, the medication wasn't helping clearing the fog.  
  
Yeah, your boyfriend was here. He asked if he could sit with you last night. Didn't want you to wake up in the night alone. Nice man. Tell you something, that one is a keeper. I can tell these things about people and that man completely smitten with you. No questions.  
  
Sam smiled, as her mind reeled about who it was. Yeah he's a keeper. Just not mine to keep, Sam thought.


End file.
